I love the sparkies

Posted on 16. Sep, 2008 by Derrick in Talking Sports

Following the beatdown that the Broncos and Ed Hochuli gave to the Chargers, the chargers have been whining since. So I stole this from another blog. Enjoy.

Ed Hochuli: Ouf.

ErrrrrrrMmmmmem.

Ahhhh

Whew. Powered through that set.

Chad: Gotta make sure to hydrate, Ed.

Hochuli: I will.

Chad: …

Hey Ed. You know anything about blackmail?

Hochuli: No.

Chad: Hmm. That’s too bad. [Checks heart rate on watch] ‘Cause I am in a real spot here.

Hochuli: Wish I could help. In a bit of hot water myself lately.

Chad: [Swigs entire bottle of Vitamin Water] Oh yeah?

Hochuli: Had a bad day at work the other day, I…

[Door flies open]

Philip Rivers: Ya betta ask someboddddddaaaaaayyyyyyy!

Chad: Hey, man. I’m gonna need to see a pass.

Rivers: OH, I HAD PASSES A-FUCKIN’ PLENTY ON SUNDAY BEFORE THE INCREDIBLE HOCH OVER HERE ROYALLY BUTTFUCKED MY TEAM OF SUPER SOLDIERS! BUTTFUCKED THEM IN THE BUTTFUCKING BUTT!

FUCK!

Chad: So, wait, where’s your pass?

Rivers: The only person worse at his job than you is Jay Cutler’s barber. I’m here to have a chinwag with my buddy Whistlin’ Pete over here.

THAT OKAY WITH YOU COCKHOLSTER? HUH? WHAT? HUH? FUCK YOU!

Hochuli: Son, I don’t know what more I do in the way of contrition. I already admitted that I was in the wrong and have faced discipline from the league. Honest mistake, I mean it. My professional pride is seriously hurt.

Rivers: I see. Okay. All’s well that ends well, huh?

Hochuli: I hope so.

Rivers: WELL I HOPE TO SHOVE THAT WHISTLE UP YOUR PEEHOLE. THE ONLY THING MORE VEINED THAN YOUR BICEPS IS THE THROBBING COCK I’M GONNA STICK IN YOUR SISTER.

Hochuli: I don’t have a sister.

River: Mom?

Hochuli: Dead.

River: Look…I…F-FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!

[Rivers picks up a 25 lb. free weight and throws it at Hochuli. It floats it the air for 30 seconds and Hochuli sidesteps it when it finally reaches him]

Hochuli: I don’t think this is going to get us anywhere.

Rivers: Oh it’s gonna get you somewhere. Somewhere in the ER, Cutlerfucker!

Get him, my tiny Darren!

[Dog door flies open]

Darren Sproles: [Charging at Ed] YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYA

[Hochuli stops Sproles by pressing his hand to Sproles' forehead, holding him at arm's length while Darren flails his arms harmlessly]

Hochuli: Is this all really necessary?

Rivers: Goddamit! This isn’t over, Hercules! YOU HAVE A BLOOD DEBT! AND I PLAN TO COLLECT! There are more midget running backs where that came from! They can fit under your bed! Don’t sleep, zebra. The jungle is fiercest at night!

[Runs out of gym, yells at someone spotting a lifter]

- Derrick