socialy retarded

Oh captain, my captain Neck Beard!

Posted on 08. Apr, 2009 by Derrick.

People in Denver are Idiots about this Kyle Orton vs Jay Cutler thing. Some are saying that Cutler was the next coming to Jesus Elway. Some are saying that Captain Neck Beard is better suited for the Denver offense than Cutler.

What Cutler shines at needs to be curtailed in Denver’s new system (risk taking ) and his weakness’ (reading Ds and checking off ) need to be strengths. His value would not effectively be utilized by Denver. Cutler is not a good fit and when you think about what his next contract is going to be.

However!

It is absurd that people think that Orton will be better than Cutler would have been in this offense. Cutler was a top 10 QB last season and given development and the pass happy system he would have been playing in, he had the potential to move into that elite top 3.

That being said, Orton’s strengths more equally match McDaniels’ offense. Orton is also going to benefit from one of the best young Olines and one of the best young WR tandems in the league. The bears offensive (pun intended) weapons are going to mitigate Cutlers strengths. (I’m curious to see Cutlers tantrum when Hester drops a ball)

Without the high draft pics that they traded to Denver, it will be several years before they can surround Cutler with the type of talent he was accustomed to here in Denver.

If you look back on last year, the Bears traded two firsts and a third for 5 touchdowns (Bears QB’s . If I were prescient, that margin is going to be even less this year between Cutler and Orton. I’d wager to say that Orton will be less than a thousand yards, and less than 5 touchdowns away from where Cutler will finish the season.

I like Orton better than I liked Cutler, but lets not be naive in thinking Orton will be better than Cutler would have been in this system.

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Jay Cutler needs to shut the fuck up

Posted on 10. Mar, 2009 by Derrick.

When I first found out that Jay Cutler was the Broncos first pick in the 2006 draft, I had to go check out who he was. I found out that he was not only safety but also a quarterback in high school. Sometimes playing 100 plays a game. And I thought to myself, now this dude is tough.

I found out that he went to Vanderbelt, one of the more prestigious schools in the US, but also is in the dominant SEC division. He was voted as the SEC offense player of the year his senior year. What wasnt to like about this guy.

After starting for the last two and a half years. One of my favorite players who we have dubbed “Sug” turned into some meglomaniac mouthy bitch.

The latest incedent happend when the coach McDaniels intertained trading him.

Here is an analogy to think about, Something that I think the guys would understand. Say that you were with a girl for 2 years. That girl wasn’t a perfect ten, but what she lacked in looks, she made up for in everything else. Then you were forced to move. You broke up, and moved to your new digs.

When moving, you find a new girlfriend and she happens to be a pefect ten. The perfect ten also happens to be a nut job. We all know that girl, she is fine as can be, but she also says insainly dumb shit. But she gets away with it because she is so hot.

After spending time with crazy bitch, you make the decision to fly you long term relationship out because you miss your sane girlfriend.

That’s what Josh McDaniels did, Matt Cassel was his safe, and comfortable. Cutler is the sexy, strong armed quarterback that just finnished a probowl season.

I’d love for one of my favorite players to grow the fuck up, but not only did he say this after the trade talks

“My understanding at this point is they’re trying to trade me,” Cutler said Saturday. “We’ll see where I end up at. I liked it here, I liked playing with these guys, but obviously they’re not going to let me have that opportunity.”

but now he has spurned the owner of the Broncos by not calling him back. If the man that signes your checkes askes you to call back. Fuckin call back.

Jay, your supposed to be a Vandy grad. Your supposed to be smart. Start acting like it.

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I love the sparkies

Posted on 16. Sep, 2008 by Derrick.

Following the beatdown that the Broncos and Ed Hochuli gave to the Chargers, the chargers have been whining since. So I stole this from another blog. Enjoy.

Ed Hochuli: Ouf.

ErrrrrrrMmmmmem.

Ahhhh

Whew. Powered through that set.

Chad: Gotta make sure to hydrate, Ed.

Hochuli: I will.

Chad: …

Hey Ed. You know anything about blackmail?

Hochuli: No.

Chad: Hmm. That’s too bad. [Checks heart rate on watch] ‘Cause I am in a real spot here.

Hochuli: Wish I could help. In a bit of hot water myself lately.

Chad: [Swigs entire bottle of Vitamin Water] Oh yeah?

Hochuli: Had a bad day at work the other day, I…

[Door flies open]

Philip Rivers: Ya betta ask someboddddddaaaaaayyyyyyy!

Chad: Hey, man. I’m gonna need to see a pass.

Rivers: OH, I HAD PASSES A-FUCKIN’ PLENTY ON SUNDAY BEFORE THE INCREDIBLE HOCH OVER HERE ROYALLY BUTTFUCKED MY TEAM OF SUPER SOLDIERS! BUTTFUCKED THEM IN THE BUTTFUCKING BUTT!

FUCK!

Chad: So, wait, where’s your pass?

Rivers: The only person worse at his job than you is Jay Cutler’s barber. I’m here to have a chinwag with my buddy Whistlin’ Pete over here.

THAT OKAY WITH YOU COCKHOLSTER? HUH? WHAT? HUH? FUCK YOU!

Hochuli: Son, I don’t know what more I do in the way of contrition. I already admitted that I was in the wrong and have faced discipline from the league. Honest mistake, I mean it. My professional pride is seriously hurt.

Rivers: I see. Okay. All’s well that ends well, huh?

Hochuli: I hope so.

Rivers: WELL I HOPE TO SHOVE THAT WHISTLE UP YOUR PEEHOLE. THE ONLY THING MORE VEINED THAN YOUR BICEPS IS THE THROBBING COCK I’M GONNA STICK IN YOUR SISTER.

Hochuli: I don’t have a sister.

River: Mom?

Hochuli: Dead.

River: Look…I…F-FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!

[Rivers picks up a 25 lb. free weight and throws it at Hochuli. It floats it the air for 30 seconds and Hochuli sidesteps it when it finally reaches him]

Hochuli: I don’t think this is going to get us anywhere.

Rivers: Oh it’s gonna get you somewhere. Somewhere in the ER, Cutlerfucker!

Get him, my tiny Darren!

[Dog door flies open]

Darren Sproles: [Charging at Ed] YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYAYAYAYAYAYA

[Hochuli stops Sproles by pressing his hand to Sproles' forehead, holding him at arm's length while Darren flails his arms harmlessly]

Hochuli: Is this all really necessary?

Rivers: Goddamit! This isn’t over, Hercules! YOU HAVE A BLOOD DEBT! AND I PLAN TO COLLECT! There are more midget running backs where that came from! They can fit under your bed! Don’t sleep, zebra. The jungle is fiercest at night!

[Runs out of gym, yells at someone spotting a lifter]

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Some more Vince Young bashing.

Posted on 17. Jun, 2008 by Derrick.

I managed to get a copy of Vince Young’s wonderlick test. If you remember, he was going to retire after his 2nd season, because the NFL “just wasn’t fun”.

Oh, and if none of you have seen this. Javon Walker got his ass beat in Vegas. The cops are saying that he got robbed, but there are reports that he was spraying the crowd in a Vegas club with 15 bottles of Dom Perignon.

- D

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Some professional athletes are fuckin stupid.

Posted on 29. May, 2008 by Derrick.

I came across this while drinking my morning coffee. Vince Young is not only a enormous idiot, a phenomenal pussy, but also a hypocrite.

If anyone doesn’t know, before rookies are drafted, the NFL administers a written test of sorts similar to an IQ test. The wonderlic test gives teams an idea of a players cognitive ability or general intelligence. Fourtune 500 companies give the same test to executives because it gives a more reliable objective predictor to employment success.

Vince Young recieved a 6 out of a possible 50. You get one point for spelling your name right. During that draft NO ONE SCORED LOWER. If I were drafting a quarterback to be the face of my franchise, I’d want him to score at least higher than his jersey number.

Now to the real reason that I post this. VY as he likes to call himself, was caught precariously drunk with his buddies shirtless in a Texas club.

He responded to the pictures with Thomas George senior editor at NFL.com

“First of all, it happened in early April, not last week, and there were a bunch of my former Texas teammates there and several other NFL guys,” Young said. “It got kind of hot in there and several of us took our shirts off. Somebody snaps a picture. Here we go. It was young people, me included, having a good time, but I realize my mistake. It was not the model, the image I want to give to the kids. My teammates here have so much love and respect for me just as I have for them. They have barely said a word about it.”

Whats funny about that, he punched one of his teammates in the face last summer for hitting to hard in practice. Hey Vinni, you are supposed to practice hard. Anyways, he then goes on to say that he was close to retiring last summer.

“I really thought long and hard about it,” Young said on Thursday after practice. “There was so much going on with my family. It was crazy being an NFL quarterback. It wasn’t fun anymore. All of the fun was out of it. All of the excitement was gone. All I was doing was worrying about things.

Yeah, like winning. I swear to god, if any of these idiot athletes had a real job, they may realize that you have to WORK HARD in life. Then again, we are talking about a guy that was raised by all women (no offense Kit) and has roses tattooed on his arm symbolizing the “women” in his life.

“My teammates helped lift me out of it. I prayed really hard. And I began to focus on God’s calling for me. Play football. Be a role model.”

“I have a stronger circle. Now I can handle this kind of stuff without it making me want to give up football,” Young said. “I learned that 24/7 I’m representing the Titans and, especially, the kids all over I am trying to influence. I look at my man Michael Vick. I learned from that. I look at Pacman. I learned from that. I look at some troubles recently for rappers T.I. and Lil Wayne, guys I listen to. I learned from them. I’ve learned from my life.

You have got to be fucking kidding me. My man Michael Vick? Jesus Fisting Christ. You can imagine the owner of the Titans Bud Adams just wishing he had drafted Jay Cutler instead of fucktard VY.

“You can get too much going on where you can’t control it anymore. No matter how much money you get, no matter how much comes your way, you have to control yourself. I know it’s up to me. I can’t get too big for my britches.”

Thank god for that little nugget. I’d hate to see you get too big for your britches.

One last thing before I go shit shower and shave. Vince, why is it that in all the photos, there isn’t a single female? Just a bunch of dudes sweating, without their shirts? At least the other idiot QB Leinart parties with the womenz. I say to Leinart, you have a noodle arm but I’d love to be you my friend. Parris Hilton type hype with the NFL QB bankroll.

- D

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Locked out of my heart….

Posted on 17. Nov, 2007 by Derrick.

I love this time of the year. November is possibly THE premier sports month of the year. The fun of the World Series is still lingering, The NBA is ramping up with the beginning of their season, College FB begins its BCS push, and you have the best of the best in the NFL establishing themselves for the playoffs.

5 Years ago, I was a 2 man sport. Hockey and Football. I thought baseball was slow and basketball was filled with guys more interested in being thugs than players.

I began my hockey fan-ism when the Quebec Nordiques moved to Denver in 95, The Avalanche immediately won the Stanley Cup in 96 and I was hooked. Lemieux, Sakic, Hejduk, Foote, Forsberg, and my favorite player Patrick Roy brought a championship to Denver. This was significant for one fact, the Broncos had recently lost 3 Superbowls, and this was Denver’s first world championship.

I was watching as Red Wings player Kris Draper was skating toward the bench when he was checked hard into the boards face-first by Avalanche hit man Lemieux. As a result, Draper had to undergo facial reconstructive surgery, and had to have his jaw wired shut for months. After the incident, Lemieux was threatened by the Red Wings, including goalie Chris Osgood. The episode marked the beginning of a rivalry. I never missed another Avalanche/Red wings game again, and in the following season, a brawl known as the “Brawl in Hockeytown” broke out. The game ended with nine fights, 11 goals, 39 penalties, 148 penalty minutes, one hat-trick and my favorite installment in history; Patrick Roy and Mike Vernon fought right on mid Ice. Since then I’ve hated the Red Wings as much as I hate the Raiders and the Cornhuskers.

My affection towards hockey remained intact and emphasized with another Avalanche Stanley cup in 2001. Then came the 2004-2005 season. The lockout. What was I supposed to do with my passion for Hockey? Who would I cheer for? The year passed dreadfully slow, and hardcore hockey fans, including myself, went without our dearly loved smash mouth game. I’ve never come back to the game since.

Over the years, I’ve found myself looking back on hockey in a nostalgic fashion. I see clips on Sportscenter and feel a pang in my heart. I sometimes check in on the Avalanche, wondering how well Sakic is doing this week, or if Hejduk still has it. Sometimes it feels like a bad breakup. I’m deeply hurt, yet somehow still curious and hopeful.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel the passion I once felt for Hockey. The game has changed immensely in the last 5 years, and I don’t know that I want to invest my time and enthusiasm into it again. The lock out left me with a traumatized heart, and I don’t think I can put my whole fan-ism into it again.

I’ll look back fondly on the happy memories I have of hockey. Celebrating the championship in the streets, Yelling OOOSSSGOOOD and throwing squid onto the ice, and I’ll check the stats now and then just to ease the craving, but for now my friends, my heart is locked out of the NHL.

- D

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